Having returned from the US and Canada in 2018, I ended up moving back in with my parents for a
\ncouple of years, thus becoming the typical representative of the boomerang generation. My brother
\nhad left the nest a few years prior, so this time around I was an only child. The process of getting
\nused to one another was harmonious, but it required some adjustments, given that I had already
\ndeveloped a handful of new habits as an adult. I remember my mom\u2019s amusement at the sight of me
\nwearing sunglasses in winter, the Quebec way. In Poland, they made me look a bit eccentric back
\nthen.<\/p>\n
One evening, I found my parents engaged in a lively discussion in the kitchen. They were scratching
\ntheir heads. Apparently, they had just received a phone call from a priest friend of theirs who always
\nshowed up out of the blue, unexpected and spontaneous, in spite of his old age. He made it clear
\nthat he wished to be picked up and it was also assumed that he would take over the guest room for a
\nfew days. There was one problem this time, however: my parents had a very tight schedule and thus
\nwere at a loss how to manage everything and meet the priest\u2019s expectations.
\nThe fact that the conversation took place shortly after my return from Canada did matter. I was quite
\nindependent having survived seven years on my own in a remote place. As it is often the case, one of
\nthe side effects of such newly-acquired autonomy was excessive focus on self-affirmation. I had
\nlearnt many valuable things in Canada, no question about that. However, it did not cross my mind
\nthat I\u2019d better un-learn one thing, namely, the expectation that life would conform to my rules and
\nwould always be predictable and fair.<\/p>\n
With a true missionary zeal, I told my parents that no one should claim the right to control their time Luckily, my parents chose not to heed my \u201csmart\u201d advice. They managed to accomplish the The Dynamics of Indignation<\/strong> that the fire of indignation will not be extinguished. In doing so, they resemble the Vestales striving Moreover, they are additionally angered by those who do not necessarily share in the indignation. \u201cIt is for their good\u201d<\/strong> Had my parents avoided the disruption and opted for the peace and quiet they were allowed to Alternative Emotions<\/strong> Serious Consequences<\/strong><\/p>\n I think that most displays of assertiveness, which follow the logic \u201cI\u2019m doing it because I can exercise Why? Because actions inspired by blind indignation, if made habitual, can force one to recur to Our contemporaries often fall into the trap of illusion that if something bothers us initially, or gives Once we dissect the cheap feeling of indignation, we will find the false dichotomy underneath. It Meanwhile, if one is ready to embrace the adventure of life and remain open to temporary Having returned from the US and Canada in 2018, I ended up moving back in with my parents for a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":735,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/773"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=773"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/773\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":776,"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/773\/revisions\/776"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/735"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=773"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=773"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifesfinest.pl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=773"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nand they should feel completely free to refuse the favor. \u201cBe assertive!\u201d I said sternly. I was<\/em>
\nindignant<\/em> seeing that someone dared cause them so much trouble, be it in the name of seasoned
\nfriendship, and bother such hard-working and good-willed people who have a lot of their plate.
\nSomeone has decided to make a sudden appearance, with no advance notice, and expects them to
\nbend over backwards to meet his expectations. Outrageous!<\/p>\n
\nimpossible: by moving a meeting or two and switching the car for public transport (mom) to enable
\nmy dad to pick up the guest at the requested hour, they brought and welcomed him with all due
\nhonor. They did not think twice about the stress involved in adjusting their busy schedules. They did
\neverything gracefully, without a hint of feeling of forced sacrifice, focusing on the task at hand. They
\nare good at such things, you know. They let my advice fall on deaf ears.<\/p>\n
\nThe emotional climate around that episode of hospitality became my key to understand many
\ncontemporary mechanisms and the role played by emotions that we choose to feel, in a sense. Many
\nsocial circles seem to be buffeted about by chronic indignation directed at petty and grand things
\nalike. One is indignant because life requires that he\/she do something extra that had not been
\nplanned, respond to an unexpected challenge, or sacrifice a tiny bit of freedom. Indignation is like a
\nnot-so-secret explosive in one\u2019s pocket. Ironically, it is often put to use by people who have all the
\nessentials they need and more. They walk around in a permanent state of indignation and make sure<\/p>\n
\nto keep their holy flames a-burning.<\/p>\n
\nSuch a peaceful soul is regarded with suspicion and likely to be accused of possessing a lesser degree
\nof social and political awareness or, worse still, be at a primitive stage of their personal development.
\nThe illuminated indignant try to make their indignation contagious, taking pride in their foresight and
\nintelligence, apparently superior to the intelligence (if any) found in those who do not feel the same
\nway and try to take everyday challenges in their stride without giving them much thought, or simply
\nfocus on things other than emotions.<\/p>\n
\nThere\u2019s something tricky when it comes to indignation, something that makes it difficult to dismiss: it
\nis the seemingly altruistic source of that state of mind. Quite a few individuals claim to become
\nindignant at the sight of someone else\u2019s harm. This being so, the emotion either can be justified
\nmorally, or such a justification is fabricated and tailored to the needs of the ever-hungry ego of the
\nangry soul. There is a huge difference between the two scenarios. In the latter case, the indignation
\nis an artificial emotion, \u201cpower of the mouth\u201d or a classic case of virtue-signaling that needs to feed
\non new substance every single day. It is orchestrated by someone who delights in his\/her ability to
\nnotice injustice or oppression. Having noticed it, this person feels morally superior<\/em> to all others
\ninvolved in the situation because he\/she is the first one to have seen it through and turned indignant
\nat the sight for the good of another (of course). This was me lecturing my parents on the visit of their
\npriest-friend: deep inside, I was taking pride in the fact that I was the first one to notice the problem,
\nname it, and use my \u201cwisdom\u201d to offer my parents a protocol to follow. I smartly referred to the
\nuniversal right to say \u201cno\u201d. I prioritized the right to manage one\u2019s own time to avoid all disruption of
\ncomfort.<\/p>\n
\npreserve, they would have missed out on something tremendously important: a priceless encounter
\nwith a friendly soul.<\/p>\n
\nOf course, we do occasionally find ourselves in situations where some assertiveness is in order and it
\nis good to know how to say \u201cno way\u201d loud and clear and set boundaries instead of just sucking it up. I
\nventure to assert, though, that indignation is, more often than not, an extremely poor response to a
\ncrisis and, as such, it ought to be exchanged for something more valuable. The good thing is that the
\npalette of emotions is incredibly rich. Yes, I do believe that we often choose what we want to feel.
\nInstead of turning indignant, we could simply acknowledge that something bothers us, hurts us,
\nmakes us question certain things and goad us into quick action. Something can be negotiated,
\nchanged, or reiterated on our terms. There are many ways to handle reality. Each human being is
\ncapable of adjusting their physical and mental faculties in ways that are nothing short of
\nextraordinary. Most of the time we do have room for sensible action and reflection on how to cope
\nwith the changing circumstances.<\/p>\n
\nthe right to do so\u201d blindly and feed off of one\u2019s indignation, are risky things. They should come with
\nwarning labels akin to those featured on packets of cigarettes.<\/p>\n
\nradical, mindless action and impoverish the wealth of human relationships. Would such an extremely
\nassertive mindset make motherhood possible? Hardly. Being a mother tends to require of us,
\nmothers, that we put out the fire of irritation with a sea of patience, thus forcing us to counter-act
\nthe anger that we feel. Would such a mindset allow us to accept an unplanned pregnancy gracefully?
\nWould it let us take care of an elderly relative with love, even if we had other plans for our life?
\nWould it let us welcome thrice the number of expected guests and cook dinner for them without
\nwhining? No, it wouldn\u2019t. In so many cases, the combination of ill-placed assertiveness and
\nindignation would make our lives and the lives of those close to us a living hell.<\/p>\n
\nus something extra to do, it has to inspire indignation and be eliminated, or, if the former is
\nimpossible, it has to produce an angry tirade. They are convinced that people need to be spared
\nunexpected challenges and be always in control of their lives, because they are fragile and deserve
\nthe comfort of predictability. They fail to notice that the tools they propose to fix unfavorable
\ncircumstances are ridiculous and make people into underachievers. It is way more profitable to face
\nreality and, with effort, shape the difficult circumstances into something valuable.<\/p>\n
\nassumes that we are either naive martyrs who let others push them around and abuse, or individuals
\ngifted with awareness and love of fairness, ready to turn everything upside-down and put their
\nostentatious ability to get righteously angry on display. It would be more profitable to look the
\n\u2018problem\u2019 in the eye and decide what type of action is needed. The thing is, life does not need to be
\n\u201cfair\u201d at all times. A \u201cfair\u201d solution might actually backfire and hurt not only the agent but also the
\npeople around, weakening their relationship. It could feel as liberating as a closing gate.<\/p>\n
\nchallenges, it often turns out to be the best path forward. The farther we distance ourselves from
\nempty manifestations of our rights, the more confidence and mental strength we will develop. We
\nwill believe in our ability to cope, we will appreciate the ups and downs of human relationships and
\nremain open to new things. Although the road to those new things is bumpy and curvy, with a scary
\noff-the-road feel, it is definitely worth driving on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"