Default Settings

We cut up reality and end up with tiny confetti. We dominate it, for better or for worse, experiencing its various faucets.

If I manage to control the multiple perspectives and come to terms with them quickly and effortlessly, without feeling torn or inadequate, I begin to perceive myself as an ultra-competent master of ceremony. Moreover, if many situations and circles grant me some kind of higher status and authority, with my hand feeling the ends of ropes that can be pulled should I wish to do so to control the world around me by influencing other people’s behavior – then I inevitably end up considering myself an outstanding being, better than those around me.

The side effect is that I learn to treat people differently in different situations. Sometimes I become more intimate, sometimes my sense of humor becomes frivolous, at other times I decide to put on deliberate reserve. Indeed, it is intriguing to consider the sheer number of faces we can put on display for the world. How prone we are to camouflage or highlight dramatically different issues depending on our surroundings. I wonder how much of that phenomenon can be accounted for by natural adaptability (for we need to adapt to the topic that’s being discussed instead of talking about the same thing) and how much can be blamed on vaccillation and manipulative strategies, since we wish to show only our good colors to gain acceptance or praise, or occupy a position of dominance.

If we add a fair dose of self-interest, or desire to win someone’s favor, the mental universe becomes even more complex and boundaries get blurry. The game is so enjoyable that we lose grip on it and we lose track of others.

The multiplication of contexts can then invite dishonesty, fraud, even if it was not the intention in the first place. These fractured fragments of the world not only grow entirely discrepant, but can stand in opposition to one another. In extreme cases, we can play a saint in one place, and in another setting we are vicious with no inhibitions.

If you’ve made it this far, dear reader, you might have begun to shrug your shoulders thinking that you needn’t fear rising to such egregious heights of hypocrisy. I think, though, that you shouldn’t give up the effort of self-scrutiny too soon. Given the multiplicity of subjective worlds we are exposed to, each one of us runs the risk of becoming double- or multi-faced, wearing poor paper masks deliberately or just because we don’t pay attention. The consequences are not just ours: they affect other people. If we do not have contact with our real “self” and cannot pull ourselves together (based on some introspection), also those other people seem a lot less real to us, as they are defined by their particular context, and our interaction with them becomes a game or a playground. We are moving within a space where it’s easy to set a Bad tone, deride someone, fool them, or be derided, fooled, find ourselves out of touch with reality, do something stupid and petty, endorse something against our will because we feel expected to do so etc.

The Real question is: are we entertained enough to stay In the chaos and performance at the price of degrading ourselves? This is when we might begin to criticize people behind their backs, even if we affirm them in their faces because we are too cowardly to disagree, Or concoct outrageous theories to defend our own contradictions and inconsistency.

This is when it is a good idea to sit yourself down and think hard. Simplify yourself, return to balance on all fronts, let people know you as you are, away from that eternal game park, foolish words, futile gestures, and people who put on masks just to survive until halftime.

The only way out will lead through a voluntary choice of „default settings”  that will help us cut out the undesired behavior. We will restrain our glib tongue and eliminate empty gestures and worthless rambling. We will courageously support the unpopular moral stance, even if this costs us our popularity. We will look at the human being in front of us with new sober eyes, no matter where we are. If this particular person is strong and manipulative, such a mindset on our part will make us immune to their games, or at least enable us to see through them and resist. If, on the other hand, this person is weaker, the benefit of our new approach cannot be overestimated: by adopting the default setting, we promise ourselves that we will never attempt to take advantage of this person no matter how vulnerable they are.

There will be no need for mediators, lawyers or the police or cleaners (of the confetti).

No Comments

Post A Comment